The Ugly Truth

There are a number of television programs out there that focus on raising children, going to work, and balancing your life. There are hundreds of websites and books that instruct us on how to "get the most" from our everyday life. I have an email that comes to my inbox from a life coach with titles like "Balance: Work and Home. It is Possible!" and "How to Keep Positive in these Negative Times". All fine and dandy, but what happens when I don't have the TIME to read these emails? As a matter of fact, I get rather annoyed that I don't have the TIME to reply to the "unsubscribe" feature on these emails, and so month after month they keep coming, reminding me that I need to find the "balance".

No one ever tells you the real truth. That there are a lot of us who would much prefer to sit on the couch and eat cookies while watching others do home renovations on HGTV than actually do them ourselves. Let me give you an example of what I mean....

It is six o'clock on a Thursday evening. We've had supper, the dishes are still on the table, the kids need a bath, and the parents are on the couch, "digesting" as we like to call it. The phone rings and hubby announces that we are going to have company in an hour. HOLY CRAP. Suddenly, we feel the need to transform our house into a showhome. I quickly grab the chunk of rotten banana off of the coffee table that was left there yesterday by the baby and start running around making things "perfect". Run upstairs, grab underwear off floor of bathroom. Throw all laundry into hamper and shove it into a closet. Wipe hair out of sink. Step on small yet very sharp action figure. Question if boy should play with said sharp figure. Decide that he still has both eyes, so it can't be that bad. Throw action figure under the bathroom sink. We'll find him in a month and it will be like a new toy all over again. Score one for mama. Run downstairs to where hubby is sweeping up questionable looking dirt from dining room. Start loading dishwasher with supper dishes. Hubby says, "Don't just cram everything in there, it won't get clean". Pffft, I cram all kinds of stuff in there while he's at work. It comes clean, by at least the second or third wash.Daughter announces that the baby has a poopy diaper. Change diaper while tackling boy who wants to run around with bare poopy bottom. Run back downstairs and cram all the toys (WHERE DID THESE ALL COME FROM?) into the toybox. Get shower going and instruct daughter to wash well. Hubby has finished sweeping the floor, and is now chipping some mysterious substance off the kitchen table. It is glued onto the table so well that NASA could use it to hold a space shuttle together. Daughter is out of shower, baby smells good, house looks somewhat...presentable. Parents are wiping the sweat from their heads. Put on some jazz, turn on lamps for a relaxed atmosphere and....wait. WE DID IT! We managed to shove our messes into cupboards and closets and make our house look somewhat presentable. Doorbell rings and we casually answer it, as though we had been sitting and listening to jazz and talking about world affairs. Daughter comes down the stairs from her shower and announces to guests that mom and dad have been cleaning really fast for the last hour. Daughter is given a snack. If her mouth is full she can't talk. Then we have a lovely visit with some good friends.

While I am running around, I ask myself, "Does everyone have to do this?" Are we so slovenly that if we have company pop in we can't let them past the front entry? I don't know the answer. This is a closely kept secret between family members (unless your daughter outs you as mine frequently does). Are all of the other families I know living in a perfect house that is clean and everyone can find matching socks everyday?

Here's what I do know, and it's taken me a few years to figure it out. I'M NOT SUPER WIFE/MOM/EMPLOYEE. I am who I am. And that's ok.

But don't pop in to visit. Give me an hour. Or we may have to visit on the front step...